Parsonage Ponderings

Compiled by, Darlene G. Snyder

by Connie Coppings
Paintsville, KY.

Whether we want to admit it or not, anger plays a role in Christians’ lives. In ministry we often have to help people find ways to cope with their anger in constructive ways. And, there are those times when those in ministry must come face to face with their own anger issues. Both are challenging and can take a toll on a ministerial family.
Helping people within a congregation deal with their anger toward each other calls for the ability to remain neutral so that you can help both parties. The minister, or spouse, is sometimes caught in the middle as both parties try to make the other person out to be the one at fault. We have found it helpful to inform those involved that we won’t listen to a discussion of the other person, but only to what the one in front of us feels they’ve contributed to the problem.
It is our goal to teach people to accept responsibility for their shortcomings and find ways to grow from them. It is human nature to want to blame others, so it takes a lot of patience and prayer to help people reach this point.
Do not hesitate to refer to a counselor or more experienced pastor a situation that you feel unable to handle. Not everyone in ministry is equipped to handle every type of situation and trying to do so can cause further problems.
While helping others handle their anger can be hard, it can be especially hard for a minister or spouse to confront their own anger. Who can they talk to safely? What effects can it have on a marriage or your ministry?
It is very hard for ministerial persons to find a safe place to express their negative feelings. As much as you like some people in the church, it can be dangerous to share those type of feelings. Not all people will “spread” your confidences, but you may find it safer to seek help in other ways. If you have a conference office, ask what is available. Many times there is financial help available and visits to a counselor can be arranged to protect your privacy.
As much as our lives are centered around “Christian” activities, anger is not uncommon in our lives. We work in settings where we often see people make very wrong decisions, hurting themselves and those around them. Our emotions get involved and we may find ourselves experiencing un-Christlike anger.
A big step in the right direction is to admit the anger exists and then seek those who can help us find our way through it. We try to never let these intense feelings of anger show in our relations with others. When possible, we work it through with the person to whom the anger is directed, but if we feel we can’t, then outside help is sought.
Holding anger in can lead to many physical problems. My doctor recently told me that his most unhealthy patients are pastors’ wives. Scary, huh!!
It is only through God’s love and mercy that we can deal with anger in healthy ways. What ignites your anger? Can you admit your struggle with it and allow others to help you?

Father, forgive us when we harbor ill feelings and allow it to interfere with our service to others. Protect our hearts and minds so that we may be more like Christ.